the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
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