Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
Randomize
