K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
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