The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
Randomize
