So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Randomize
