oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
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