getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
Randomize
