He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
It was like giving head to a cactus.
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
