I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Randomize
