I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
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