he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
