Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
