Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
Randomize
