who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
