She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
Randomize
