So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
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