so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
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