Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
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