I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
Randomize
