dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
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