the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
Randomize
