That arnold schwarzeneger picture looks strikingly similar to paul
Not half as good looking as paul
I'd say paul has bigger bicep peaks, but who am I to judge
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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