I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
Randomize
