ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
Randomize
