I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
Randomize
