Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
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