I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
Randomize
