K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
