Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
Randomize
