Will you blow on my dice?
i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
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