In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
Randomize
