I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
Randomize
