I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Randomize
