maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
Randomize
