Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
