i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
Randomize
