what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
Randomize
