I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
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