Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
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