Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
You brought string cheese to the strip club
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
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