Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
Randomize
