Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
