my soul wont recognize me after tonight
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
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