why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Randomize
