chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
Randomize
