she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
Randomize
