Just mADE A PArabola og urine
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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