just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
Randomize
