FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
Randomize
