Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Randomize
