And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
I totally got off with my controler for my ps3. Soooo glad I ended up with that racing game for Christmas.
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
Randomize
