and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
Randomize
