His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
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