My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
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