when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
Randomize
