If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
We just shotgunned beers for America
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
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